When did meeting that special someone become so hard?

I’m at my apartment watching television and I’ve seen so many commercials advertising websites for single people to go on and meet other single people. There is eharmony.com, match.com, and I even saw christianmingle.com (This one is strictly for Christians) (Are they serious?). I also know of many people who have met through Internet sites such as MySpace or Facebook. It seems like meeting someone in person is pretty much out the question. There aren’t too many people meeting at the park, or at a gathering, or at work. In these places people are too busy to meet others. At the park they are spending time with their children; at the gathering they are catching up with their friends; and at work they are doing just that, working. See, that’s just the main excuse: “I’m too busy to meet someone”. So, they go online to meet others because that’s the only time they can. Well, there’s only one thing I have to say to that: You mustn’t be too busy when you’re online on any of these sites! People should invest the same amount of time that they spend in front of their PC’s into going out and socializing with real, live people. I think we have become afraid of human contact. Not only do we prefer to meet people online; we also communicate with each other in completely different ways than ten years ago. People much rather send an email than talk face to face or, better yet, people rather have entire conversations through text rather than to pick up the phone and call each other, but anyhow I digress. My initial question was: When did meeting that special someone become so hard?

Dear you, (you know who you are)

I fall for anything you say.

You fuck with my head and I don’t care.

I still love you.

I still love you.

No one fills my void better than you.

I’m addicted to your touch.

Whenever I don’t have it I’m going through withdrawals

I will give to you until there’s nothing left to give.

It’s funny.

Even the fights are good.

But the making up is even better.

Many times I feel you are my everything.

Many times I know I need you.

You make me shiver, like none other.

This love is brutal, but what real love isn’t.

Boy, you

Break

Me

Down.

Inspired by "Fall for Anything" By The Script

The Bronx On American Idol

I had promised to give up watching American Idol after they fired Paula, not because I cared that Paula wouldn’t be there anymore, but because I honestly got sick of it. However, now that Jennifer Lopez is a judge on the show, I definitely had to tune in and support my girl. So, here I go. The show was…ordinary. There wasn’t anyone that really stood out, except for the last young man who ended the show. He didn’t stand out because of his singing ability, although, he was pretty good, but because of where he was from: The Bronx. I found it quite hysterical that the young guy (I can’t remember his name) gave the typical Bronx sob story. He and his family were living in a shelter; the only things that surround him in his neighborhood are drugs, murders, and gangs. More over, the American Idol cameras made sure to show cop cars and an ambulance at full speed. Again, the images and the story was a perfect suit for the typical stereotype of a Bronx neighborhood.

I was born and raised in The Bronx, and while I can say that yes, there are some troubled kids and rough neighborhoods, I can also say that I have never been in a gang, never witnessed a murder or a shooting (shit, this isn’t Bosnia), none of my friends or family have been gang members, and although I have seen people who look like they are on drugs, and they might very well be under the influence of some illegal substance, the use of drugs nor the dealing of illegal drugs were ever present in my family experience. What I did see while living in The Bronx were mothers and fathers who work two or three jobs to provide for their family, kids riding the school bus on their way to learn and explore, neighbors going to church, children playing in the park, and families living and laughing.

This entire situation was reminiscent of the reviews “In the Heights” received when it first opened. The critics said that the show was definitely “washed down”, but good. When asked what he thought about the critics’ comments, Lin simply said that drugs and violence were not part of his experience. AMEN, brother. News flash! American Idol: There is a lot more to The Bronx than what you showed today. If you have any doubt, just take a look at one of your fellow judges. Jennifer Lopez was born and raised in The Bronx, and she is the embodiment of eloquence, determination, intelligence, success, ambition, talent, and maybe, just maybe, the epitome of everything the people in The Bronx are about.

"Dear Ben"

So I haven’t blogged in a while… It’s not because I haven’t had anything worth blogging about, because I have. I just haven’t had any time. My newborn and my older son are keeping me very busy; the newborn more than the older one. But anyway, here I go again…

“Dear Ben”,

How can you be the same physical person, but yet so different?

I know people change. It happens all the time. Change is proof of growth, but you haven’t just changed; you have become a different person. A completely different person. Over the time in which I have experienced your alteration, I have learned how much the physical doesn’t matter, because although I see the same person, I still miss you terribly. I miss your actions: your affection, your smiles, your sweet gestures…I long for all of the things your body cannot replace.

I remember when you went out your way to see me smile. Because that was the only thing that was important to you. Even when I was a spoiled bitch, you didn’t care. You would look at me and say something silly, or simply smile and I could see the love in your eyes, which will make us laugh and forget all about what got us upset. When I think of these times now, I can’t help but feel like I was living in a fantasy.

I remember the love letters you wrote to me almost every day, although we saw each other almost every day, and spoke on the phone for hours and hours a day. You would still find time to write me a love letter. My love letters are so very special because unlike in the older times when love letters were common, when lovers were separated by wars and distance, you wrote to me when you could have just called or dropped by. You put your feelings for me in writing when you could have just spoke them and that makes them all so very much more extraordinary. You were really so perfect.

I remember that weekend when you took me away from all of my problems and all of life’s stresses and made me eat and laugh like I hadn’t done in a long time. Simply a dream…a dream come true.

All of these things (and more) made me love you with a strength that has even surprised me many times. They are stronger than any gift you have given me, and stronger than the physical attraction I still have for you.

I miss you… I miss you terribly although you are lying right next to me now.

Happy New Year

What is it about bringing in the New Year that causes me to suffer from such melancholy feelings? I could never explain it. Every New Year’s Eve I tell myself it’s just another ordinary day; Life will continue as it has been, but that never seems to make me feel any better, and I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. The power of the psychological is completely uncanny. I mean who cares that the date changes... who cares that instead of writing 2010 we will write another number? We will still continue to live the same life, work at the same job, hang with the same people, etc etc.

Maybe what gets us depressed is that we think the New Year will bring new possibilities. That would explain why so many make New Year’s resolutions, because they feel that the New Year is a new slate to make life better. This is exactly what I meant by the power of the psychological. We assume that the New Year will bring about change and the thought of change, since the outcome is unknown, cause us to feel gloomy and thoughtful. I, however, have never considered myself to be a person who’s afraid of change. In fact, I know I’m not. I usually embrace change. I also know that the New Year, more times than not, does not bring about any change. As I have previously said, the New Year continues on with the same old agenda. Therefore, what is it that really makes us feel so down and out??

“Love is in the air…every where I look around…” NOT. This is no attempt to be comical. I really do not see any proof of love. Real love. And I think, have I become a cynic, a pessimist, or am I realist?

So here I am…back to being the Bronx-Borough Carrie Bradshaw. In other words, I’m here to talk about love, to explore it, to try to understand many aspects concerning it. I guess, like many, I’m obsessed with the notion. I spend many hours dwelling on the subject because I just don’t seem to fully understand love. I’m not referring to the love I feel for my parents, or my kids, or my girlfriends. I’m talking about that “in-love” feeling that you feel for your mate. I recently looked up the word “love” and it was broken up into two definitions. One was “to care about; to have strong feelings of caring” and the other was “romantic attraction; a strong feeling of caring and liking for someone, combined with sexual attraction”. And if it was simply that, then maybe love is common; then I wouldn’t be so doubtful. However, it isn’t just “a strong feeling of caring”. Love has to be more than that for it to last and never fail. I ask for us to remember love as it is described in Corinthians 13. That is the correct definition of what love is supposed to be. That is the kind of love that marriages should be based on and the kind of love everyone seeks with keenness like none other.

…Many times I think it’s an emotion that doesn’t exist.

I don’t know of many examples that can prove me wrong. Here and there I may get to know of a relationship or a marriage that seems to consist of two people who genuinely love one another; A couple who respect each other, support, and challenge one another, they grow together and inspire each other…Basically, they are each other’s soul mate. But it’s not often. What I often see are mediocre marriages and relationships that must be based on those feelings described in the dictionary: simple feelings of caring. These relationships are full of problems and often never last (look at the divorce rate in America). They are relationships in which self-seeking triumphs over loyalty and kindness.

I want and hope for the love we see on TV even though I’m aware it may not exist. While many people say that television has corrupted the human mind, showing its viewers a depiction of love that’s overreached and not possible, I believe that it shows us of what real love is, and consequently reminds us of our shortcomings.

Therefore, until proven wrong (and only tangible experience will be considered), I may forever be a cynic, pessimist, or realist.

Any Regrets?

Can anyone, in all honesty, really say that they don’t have any regrets? Really? Think about it. Can you say this and mean it? See, I ask because I don’t think so. I know most of us often say that we don’t regret things; for it has been cemented in us that regretting is bad. “Never regret anything” is right at the top of the list of clichés, right after “Everything happens for a reason”…yeah, yeah, yeah. I beg to differ. I believe most people do have some regrets. I have some, and I’m here to say that it’s okay to regret. It means you’ve grown; you’ve realized you made a mistake and you’ve learned from it…Even if it’s too late now.

So, in my effort to save our young ones from this feeling, I have created the following:

A guideline for life… (For teenagers)

We’ll begin with your Teenage years: These years are Phase Two of your childhood. You may not feel like you’re a kid, but trust me, you are and when you’re 25 (and basically still a kid: phase three of your childhood) you’ll realize how much of a kid you really are. But anyhow I digress… These years are meant to be playful.. You should be playing and I don’t mean playing Barbies or GI Joe’s. I’m sure you have outgrown that by now. I mean a different kind of playing. Be playful…Don’t take yourself too seriously because no one else does and what you think is important now will most likely not be important in as little as the following year. Have fun with your friends, play pranks on eachother, have sleepovers, make lots of friends, hangout, date, but do so lightly, and do not, I repeat, do not get into a “relationship” (if I can call it that), do not get a boyfriend/girlfriend, main squeeze, main boo, wifey/hubby, whatever you might want to call it, just date and have fun. Trust me. There will be more than enough time for that. If you jump right into having a relationship, then when will you do the dating? The playing? Let me be the one to tell you, you may be able to get away with some stuff in your 20’s, but not a lot, and in your thirties, don’t even think about it. So enjoy these teenage years and do as much as possible because, as I’ve previously hinted, it’s the only time of your life when you can do pretty much anything and get away with it.

Moving on…

Your 20’s are about getting to know yourself…For most of us our College years… For some of us our best years. You meet the best people. Statistics say that people make their life long friendships in college. Learn about your interests. Learn about yourself. You will party on a different level, far better than your teenage years. Dating will be more intense. You may pick up a main squeeze now. If you can, travel as much as you can. Learn as much as you can, explore, inquire… These are your real “wonder years”. Try anything once but always be safe. Think. Analyze. Find your purpose in life. We all have one. Find your calling. Work. Establishing a career.

Your 30’s…Haven’t gotten there yet, but anything you haven’t done yet is fair game. Maybe get married…Have kids…

I don’t know. I guess I’ll let you know when I get to my forties. :-)

Coming soon...My sattirical approach to "A guideline for life... (For teenagers)"

Stay tuned.