"Dear Ben"

So I haven’t blogged in a while… It’s not because I haven’t had anything worth blogging about, because I have. I just haven’t had any time. My newborn and my older son are keeping me very busy; the newborn more than the older one. But anyway, here I go again…

“Dear Ben”,

How can you be the same physical person, but yet so different?

I know people change. It happens all the time. Change is proof of growth, but you haven’t just changed; you have become a different person. A completely different person. Over the time in which I have experienced your alteration, I have learned how much the physical doesn’t matter, because although I see the same person, I still miss you terribly. I miss your actions: your affection, your smiles, your sweet gestures…I long for all of the things your body cannot replace.

I remember when you went out your way to see me smile. Because that was the only thing that was important to you. Even when I was a spoiled bitch, you didn’t care. You would look at me and say something silly, or simply smile and I could see the love in your eyes, which will make us laugh and forget all about what got us upset. When I think of these times now, I can’t help but feel like I was living in a fantasy.

I remember the love letters you wrote to me almost every day, although we saw each other almost every day, and spoke on the phone for hours and hours a day. You would still find time to write me a love letter. My love letters are so very special because unlike in the older times when love letters were common, when lovers were separated by wars and distance, you wrote to me when you could have just called or dropped by. You put your feelings for me in writing when you could have just spoke them and that makes them all so very much more extraordinary. You were really so perfect.

I remember that weekend when you took me away from all of my problems and all of life’s stresses and made me eat and laugh like I hadn’t done in a long time. Simply a dream…a dream come true.

All of these things (and more) made me love you with a strength that has even surprised me many times. They are stronger than any gift you have given me, and stronger than the physical attraction I still have for you.

I miss you… I miss you terribly although you are lying right next to me now.