Happy New Year

What is it about bringing in the New Year that causes me to suffer from such melancholy feelings? I could never explain it. Every New Year’s Eve I tell myself it’s just another ordinary day; Life will continue as it has been, but that never seems to make me feel any better, and I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. The power of the psychological is completely uncanny. I mean who cares that the date changes... who cares that instead of writing 2010 we will write another number? We will still continue to live the same life, work at the same job, hang with the same people, etc etc.

Maybe what gets us depressed is that we think the New Year will bring new possibilities. That would explain why so many make New Year’s resolutions, because they feel that the New Year is a new slate to make life better. This is exactly what I meant by the power of the psychological. We assume that the New Year will bring about change and the thought of change, since the outcome is unknown, cause us to feel gloomy and thoughtful. I, however, have never considered myself to be a person who’s afraid of change. In fact, I know I’m not. I usually embrace change. I also know that the New Year, more times than not, does not bring about any change. As I have previously said, the New Year continues on with the same old agenda. Therefore, what is it that really makes us feel so down and out??

“Love is in the air…every where I look around…” NOT. This is no attempt to be comical. I really do not see any proof of love. Real love. And I think, have I become a cynic, a pessimist, or am I realist?

So here I am…back to being the Bronx-Borough Carrie Bradshaw. In other words, I’m here to talk about love, to explore it, to try to understand many aspects concerning it. I guess, like many, I’m obsessed with the notion. I spend many hours dwelling on the subject because I just don’t seem to fully understand love. I’m not referring to the love I feel for my parents, or my kids, or my girlfriends. I’m talking about that “in-love” feeling that you feel for your mate. I recently looked up the word “love” and it was broken up into two definitions. One was “to care about; to have strong feelings of caring” and the other was “romantic attraction; a strong feeling of caring and liking for someone, combined with sexual attraction”. And if it was simply that, then maybe love is common; then I wouldn’t be so doubtful. However, it isn’t just “a strong feeling of caring”. Love has to be more than that for it to last and never fail. I ask for us to remember love as it is described in Corinthians 13. That is the correct definition of what love is supposed to be. That is the kind of love that marriages should be based on and the kind of love everyone seeks with keenness like none other.

…Many times I think it’s an emotion that doesn’t exist.

I don’t know of many examples that can prove me wrong. Here and there I may get to know of a relationship or a marriage that seems to consist of two people who genuinely love one another; A couple who respect each other, support, and challenge one another, they grow together and inspire each other…Basically, they are each other’s soul mate. But it’s not often. What I often see are mediocre marriages and relationships that must be based on those feelings described in the dictionary: simple feelings of caring. These relationships are full of problems and often never last (look at the divorce rate in America). They are relationships in which self-seeking triumphs over loyalty and kindness.

I want and hope for the love we see on TV even though I’m aware it may not exist. While many people say that television has corrupted the human mind, showing its viewers a depiction of love that’s overreached and not possible, I believe that it shows us of what real love is, and consequently reminds us of our shortcomings.

Therefore, until proven wrong (and only tangible experience will be considered), I may forever be a cynic, pessimist, or realist.

Any Regrets?

Can anyone, in all honesty, really say that they don’t have any regrets? Really? Think about it. Can you say this and mean it? See, I ask because I don’t think so. I know most of us often say that we don’t regret things; for it has been cemented in us that regretting is bad. “Never regret anything” is right at the top of the list of clichés, right after “Everything happens for a reason”…yeah, yeah, yeah. I beg to differ. I believe most people do have some regrets. I have some, and I’m here to say that it’s okay to regret. It means you’ve grown; you’ve realized you made a mistake and you’ve learned from it…Even if it’s too late now.

So, in my effort to save our young ones from this feeling, I have created the following:

A guideline for life… (For teenagers)

We’ll begin with your Teenage years: These years are Phase Two of your childhood. You may not feel like you’re a kid, but trust me, you are and when you’re 25 (and basically still a kid: phase three of your childhood) you’ll realize how much of a kid you really are. But anyhow I digress… These years are meant to be playful.. You should be playing and I don’t mean playing Barbies or GI Joe’s. I’m sure you have outgrown that by now. I mean a different kind of playing. Be playful…Don’t take yourself too seriously because no one else does and what you think is important now will most likely not be important in as little as the following year. Have fun with your friends, play pranks on eachother, have sleepovers, make lots of friends, hangout, date, but do so lightly, and do not, I repeat, do not get into a “relationship” (if I can call it that), do not get a boyfriend/girlfriend, main squeeze, main boo, wifey/hubby, whatever you might want to call it, just date and have fun. Trust me. There will be more than enough time for that. If you jump right into having a relationship, then when will you do the dating? The playing? Let me be the one to tell you, you may be able to get away with some stuff in your 20’s, but not a lot, and in your thirties, don’t even think about it. So enjoy these teenage years and do as much as possible because, as I’ve previously hinted, it’s the only time of your life when you can do pretty much anything and get away with it.

Moving on…

Your 20’s are about getting to know yourself…For most of us our College years… For some of us our best years. You meet the best people. Statistics say that people make their life long friendships in college. Learn about your interests. Learn about yourself. You will party on a different level, far better than your teenage years. Dating will be more intense. You may pick up a main squeeze now. If you can, travel as much as you can. Learn as much as you can, explore, inquire… These are your real “wonder years”. Try anything once but always be safe. Think. Analyze. Find your purpose in life. We all have one. Find your calling. Work. Establishing a career.

Your 30’s…Haven’t gotten there yet, but anything you haven’t done yet is fair game. Maybe get married…Have kids…

I don’t know. I guess I’ll let you know when I get to my forties. :-)

Coming soon...My sattirical approach to "A guideline for life... (For teenagers)"

Stay tuned.

Crying Without Tears

Having recently given birth to my newborn son and my older one being 7 years old, I have been experiencing many things that I had long forgotten. One of these things is the fact that newborns make a lot of noise when they cry but they don’t shed any tears. One day as I was feeding my baby, I noticed that his face was completely dry and free of the proof of sorrow after and even amidst the action of crying. He is a little greedy one, so every time I remove the bottle to burp him – otherwise he’ll throw up and make a big mess of himself – he throws a tantrum and cries so loud my neighbors must think I’m beating my child and probably calling child services; yet there are no tears and I couldn’t help but think how absolutely wonderful that is. I imagined if adults could cry with no tears, how much embarrassment, shame, and humiliation we could save ourselves from. Some say we should wear our tears with pride, for they are reminders of our humility, and the proof of our humanity, but I don’t like to wear my heart on my sleeve. I wouldn’t mind feeling the hurt, pain, fear, and happiness that causes us to cry as long as the salty water doesn’t drip from my eyes. See, I could make the loud noise without any problem. Oh yes! I could scream if I’m mad, sing if I’m happy, scream louder if I’m sad; Anything to keep you from knowing just how much you have really affected me. Yup, I have no problem making loud noise and shedding no tears. As I sit here and think of the possibilities I want to say that I wish I could’ve cried with no tears the day he played me for the third time and I had to convince my friends that I wasn’t hurting. I wish I could’ve cried with no tears the day I got a phone call from my mom while I hung out with some friends in which she informed me my aunt was very sick, “but don’t tell no one”, she said, yet I’m crying my heart out, forcing my friends to ask me what’s afflicting me. I wish I could cry with no tears when the love of my life stood in front of me and told me he wasn’t happy and that he was moving on. I wish I could cry with no tears the day I was arguing with my cousin and she called me a bitch in front of everyone and lastly, I wish I could cry with no tears every midnight on New Years eve, that one simply because I don’t want to mess up my makeup.